Read anon, read as hard as you can and life maybe will start to make sense. Seriously, if /lit/ saved me it may save you too. Books really have this magic I can't explain, you see, there are just so many stories for you to identify with and things to learn that you won't want to die before reading so many masterpieces some authors made just for YOU. I recommend starting with Dosto if you want to follow my advice.
Anyway, look at how so many people stopped everything they were doing just to answer you, just to try to help you! Even don't knowing who the fuck you are... You are important, you make a difference at this world and we understand and care about your existence. Whatever your decision come to be, I want you to know that I will remmember you, even if you don't remmember me. Good luck anon.
PS: sorry about weird writing, I don't post too much and English isn't my native language.